Apparently, the story about upgrading from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 is an old internet joke. I hadn't heard about it until last week, in a column in Network Weekly. I couldn't resist writing my own addition, which appears below.
There are many versions, in more than one language. Here is the version that I saw: (via The Lost Olive )
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall
performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry
applications, which operated flawlessly under
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal
Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs
such as: NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0, and NBA3.6.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, it simply crashes the
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,
to no avail.
What can I do?
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try
to enter the command: "G :/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME" to
download Tears 6.2, which should automatically
install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as
designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run
the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But
remember, overuse of the above application can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy
Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will
create SnoringLoudly errors.
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install
Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and
will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it
does have limited memory and cannot learn new
applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance.
I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
I just had to add my own version:
Have you tried Lesbian System XX?
Lesbian System XX is both an entertainment package, like BoyFriend 1.0+, and a operating system like Husband 1.0+. It offers users all the features in the Boyfriend/Husband suite of products (or "boyware"). While it does have within it its own set of issues common to any product of its kind, LS brings to the user far fewer unpleasant surprises and disappointments that the boyware world has simply come to accept and endure.
Lesbian System XX has been in development for as long--some say longer--as the boyware that dominates the market today. LS is designed and built from the kernal to interface to respond to and service its users, and not to satisfy stockholders or the marketplace.
The LS community has been referred to as "fanatical," but "devoted" is a more accurate term: they simply know quality when they have it in the palms of their hands.
Lesbian System XX offers users an intuitive interface which encourages creativity, in stark contract to the wasted hours debugging structural incompatibilities and programs that "just quit." Lesbian System XX requires no separate utilities like Hot Food 7.8 and Lingerie 7.7, as alternatives to these shims are simply built in. LS XX includes analogues to "Romance 9.5" and "Personal Attention 6.5" but these features are not separate applications.
Some critics claim that Lesbian System XX lacks applications available
in the Boyfriend/Husband type products. In truth, LS XX developers have created a vast library of easy to install open-source libraries which offer the same functionality purported to be only available in boyware, with none of the issues. Of course, in addition to these equivalents, LS XX includes hundreds of features that are available nowhere else.
The most common criticism of LS XX is that it does not support Off-Spring peripherals. Lesbian System XX users frequently advance into this functional area with a quick patch, which takes only minutes and can be applied as frequently as desired with no lingering effects as from a Boyfriend/Husband install.
Lesbian System XX has no mainstream marketing plan, but relies on word of mouth. Its market share is small, but then, so is the market share of Mercedes and BMW.
Lesbian System XX is not for everyone, but it has satisfied the needs of millions of users for hundreds of thousands of years--users who would never switch.
Versions I found:
This one is a little longer, and includes more alternatives to Husband 1.0
This one has a by-line: by Jeannette DiLorenzo.
A longer version without an answer:
Here's a version in Swedish.
And one in German.
This is a long british version extended as a long email thread that explores several alternatives.
This is about the same, but the genders are switched.
German version (in English), and the answer is quite long, which sort of seems funny, but is mostly just sad.
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